Monday, April 9, 2012

Life as We Knew it!

Life as We Knew it!

Life is very complicated. 
They say you can't chose your can't choose who your parents are but you can choose who you are! How does it happend? Yeah it is true that you can't chose your life at the beginning, your life would depend on your 

creator, your parents and how they live their life would also be your life. 

When I was young, I always wonder why of all people, my mama is my mama why not other woman instead? Why do I have to be born as Jaysil and not somebody else? Why do I have to be poor and ugly?? I hated myself, my 

parents and I hated myself for being me.

Way back then, people admired me. Way back then they say I am very blessed and that my parents are so blessed to have me as a child..but I do not understand why? Well, I joined alot of competitions and won but that doesn't 

make me happy! All I want is to be pretty and famous and that's very impossible yeah I know. I want to be a very famous designer, to work in a very famous fashion house and to design dresses to famous celebreties! and I know It's 

very impossible..yeah it is, and because of that truth I hated my life more, I hated myself more..I hated the thought that I was born in this world. I feel like evryone else is happy except me. 

I love my mom, she is the only person I'll say that loves me more than anything in this world. I am  brat child, a lost sheep, but she loves me still. That love makes me hate the world. My mom, thou very old, she would do anything 

just to amke me happy. I remember, I was on my 1st grade, I joined a competition Ms English Festival 1997, and I won, she was shouting in the tricycle very very proud of me, she would tell everyone, that "Hey! my daughter won the 

competition! Isn't it great? a farmer's daughter won the competition over those richy kids!" and since then, everytime I have competitions she would work day and night just to buy me new cloths. It wasn't the most expensive nor teh 

pretiest dress but she'll make sure It was the best dress that she could give. 

When I was 8 I joined a story telling competition, I actually won its all about the "poor chicky" I performed very well, I have a very pretty dress, my mom made it for me. (She makes very good dresses!) and because I am achild I went 

to join a group of kids, wante dto play with them. There's this girl I can't recall her name but I know her by face...I know exactly her face. She is a school teacher's daughter, and she is tall and pretty. I asked her if I can join them and 

you know what she said?? "eeww..your ugly, we don't like to play with you..ugly ugly ugly ugly!!" I ran...ran to my mother...and cried...I can never forget that day.Because of that girl, I seperated myself from evryone else. I would 

always say I do not belong to this group because I am not pretty.

When I was on my third grade I didn't join any competitions at all. I didn't think that I can win any competitions. On fourth grade, I got no choice but to join the reader's theater becuase everyone has to join. For some, they are so 

ahppy and excited because it was their first time. They even have their family come with them during the competition, but I chose not to have my mama..I do not want her to see me crying again. We didn't win and she didn't won too! 

hahaha as early as 10 years old..I hated that girl so much. 

I gained confidence again, I joined competitions, poster makin, slogan making, spelling bee, quiz bee and we even have a chamber theater group..I won some and lose some, but happy not until I became 2nd honor. I saw how 

devastated my mom is. Everyone is expecting me to be the first honor.. I was since first grade, but I failed myself.. On 6th grade I did everything to be a valedictorian, studied hard, joined competitions and girl scout where I met 

"Meldy". She's tall and pretty, rich and she dance gracefully. Everyone admires her. I was jealous of her. Again, hated myself. 

Graduation came my mom is very happy, my sisters and brothers are all so proud of me. I graduated as Valedictorian. As a gift, my sister said, she will be the one to pay for my tuition and i will study high school in a private school. I 

was so happy at last I am going somewhere far away from where I grew up. 

I studied high school in a missionary school, yes it's a private school but It wasn't really very prestigous or something, it's not even famous. I lived in a dormitory where i have to wake up at 5am, for our daily devotional, and then 

clean my designated area before going to school. Every morning, I would see my other students going to school with their drivers, some with their parent's secretary and I was just there cleaning while everyone is out laughing and 

having fun. Yes! even though my sister pays for my tuition fee, I have to work so I can stay on that dormitory for free. It wasn't a hard job, all I have to do is swept the floor, take good care of the rambutan tree which is located in my 

area. I am not teh only working student there, so it was fine. Everybody was so friendly, maybe beacuse I am "Ms. Gina's sister and Ms Leah. Everybody likes my sister Gina, my intelligent, and very kind. and she is so not 

me.Everythings works just fine for me there, I love the fact that I am a friend to everyone, but that doesn't last for long. I ahve to transfer to a public school, because my sister was hired in Gensan and ate neneng "Ms Leah is getting 

married. My ate Indhay "Ms. Gina" can't afford to send me in a private school there so I transfered to Lagao National High School.

Everything is new again for me, froma  very small private school, I was transfered to a public school. Everyone is so busy, everybody has friends. I was assigned on the first section, even thou I was trasferee I performed well way 

back and was able to pass the exam to be in the special class. I was sitted just beside the door, next to the bullies in the class. She is Lannie and  Jeshalie. They would make fun of me just because i am very small. I decided to pretend 

that I have problems with my eyes so I can trasfer sit and that works actually hahaha! I was trasfered to sit beside Pearly whom became my closest friend, Friendrich (Pearly's crush) and Marlo whom i got a crush on forever.

OK. So everyday I am so happy and excited to go to school because of Marlo, hahaha I am so madly inlove for teh first time in my life. We becae friends and as a matter of fact, we became partners (dance partner) on our MAPEH (for 

those who doesn't know what MAPEH is - Music, Arts, Physical Education and Health ). I joined the cheering squad and had friends with Frician Grace Hibanada (the artist- she's a pre-school teacher now..), Pearly Queen Ortega 

(the dancer and girl next door- now legally separated and had a son), Reyna Jane (the hated- has a son) I don't really know why they hated her, Reyna is very talented and do well in classes..she's a little bit of a flirty thou... Rhoanne 

Bantawig (boyish but flexi) She sings very well, dances very well and she's pretty too. Joanne Pagcalibangan , Kenneth Lacson, Friendrich Dignos, Stephanie Regacho (the baby- noe married and has a son) She was very fragile back 

then, but now.. whoa,,,she is so different!, Cheche( the genius) and  Sheila Mae Medez.

Everything seems so perfect until one day, I was talking to Pearly about my forver crush Marlo and accidentally he heard everything. From then on, Marlo would not say a word, there was a time when I was standing on teh alley and 

he was walking suppose to pass by the alley when he saw me there he instead jump off the fence.Like what the F**k!! I don't bite. He's been like that forever. GRrrrrrr!!

We would go oyt together, have fun together. I became famous in school because of cheerdancing.  We were the first batch to grab th championship and everyone is so proud of us. I was so proud of myself too. I wasn't teh best 

dancer as a matter of fact I may not be able to pass the cheer dancing if not because of my friends, they would spend time teaching me the steps. I thank you guys! and then I decided to join the debating club, I was with Earl Martin 

Loking he was weird, he talks very well, he has those ideas that were so amazing!. I like talking to him. It was my first debate experience and I won.

On my third year..I was still in cheerdancing and still part of the debating team but I wanted more and so I friend a new girl in class she was a transferre and everyone says she is very intelligent and a wrtter. Her name is Lovely 

Granada. They're right. she is very intelligent, a writter and charming lady. We become friends. 

All is getting on the way..but I still can't forget my forver crush Marlo, he is no longer my classmate (he was trasfered to section 3). I get closer to his brother Remo whom I got crush too, he is totally opposit of Marlo. Marlo is 

stubborn and he doesn't know how to dance! hahaha, Remo is the other way.. he is a dancer and a charming guy. he is friend to almost everyone. I dated him once. lols but just beacuse I wanted to get closer to Marlo hahaha sorry 

mong... I even joined his group and went out with them always. december 13,2005 was the happiest day of my high school life and I was with Remo.

December 21, 2005. My first heart ache ever. Marlo had a girlfriend and she was my classmate. Jennifer Frances Barroga. It was so painful beacuse Jen was my friend too. She knew how much I love Marlo but still she chose to hurt 

me. I didn't notice that my tears were rolling on my cheecks when I heard the news..everyone is comforting me, my friends off course my real friends. I saw him and Jen together it feels like my heart is being crashed, turned into 

pieces, all of those crazy things I did for him was futile!! He was inlove with Jen. I ahted myself, Jen is pretty, and intelligent and I am not. God must really hates me. I cried a lot for him. yeah I know I know I was being pathetic. huhu 

He was my first love. D*mn it!

I hated myself so much that all I did was making myself pretty. I would even ask my sister to buy me alot of clothes just to look pretty for him. I hate him. huhu. I stopped studying my lesson and I almost fail on my subjects. Sh*t! its 

all because of him.

When I was on my 4th year I have to go back to my home town beacuse my sister is getting married. I trasfred to Tulunan National High School. It was not a good start, I learned that Meldy the girl I'm jealous with is also studying 

there and she belongs to the special class. I love the feeling of being new cause everyone wants to talk to me except them. (Michelle Amigable and her group) They hate me I don't know why. haist!. Well I had a textmate named 

Jaypee, I don't know him but he knows me. He then became my first boyfriend which I regret the most. Life with him is a hell. Everybody hates me because of him. He was Meldy's ex boyfriend and everyone just love their tandem. It 

was like a movie. 

He showed me love, let me experienced love..but left me hanging. I felt so betrayed. I still remember it was Monday morning, had an early rain shower. I came early an dhe was there at the Scince laboratory room beside the HE room 

waiting for me. He would kiss me and hold my hands, lead me through the aisle going to our room. It was just beside Meldy's room. I would love to eat corn and he hated that. "You tastes like corn" he would say. He was sweet very 

sweet. He would give me the sweetest hug and the sweetest kiss. That was my everyday life for two months. 

Another Monday morning. "Jays!" says one of my classmate Jelly Mae. " Sir Deslate is asked you to come to his office". Sir Jerry Deslate was my CAT Commandant and Jaypee was our batallion commander. I didn't know that day 

would be the worst day of my life. He then told me that Jaypee was just playing and that Jaypee and Meldy is together again in front of all his men. CAn you imagine that? he even ask Jaypee to kiss Meldy and hold her hand in front 

of me. It knife cutting my heart into pieces. He said I will never be Jaypee's girl because Meldy looks better with him. He said I would better be with Jaymar (on eof my suitor) and I didn't like him. It was so painful. I can't 

take the pain anymore that I ran from his office towards the manggo tree and  cried my heart out! They are so unfair and unjust! I will never ever forgive him ever!

Months pass and have a dance competition. I wanted to join and I really do. I joine dthe audition and unfortunately it was again Mr. Deslate who choses the participants and off course he doesn't like me. I decided not to pursue. It 

was September, Intramurals I have a bofriend now his name is Ptrick Ronn Catunggal I like him because he is famous and cute. He is intelligent too. Anyway Jaypee nad I broke up after 3 months and warned me not to have a 

boyfriend which is nobody. I guess Patz isn't nobody so I got Patrick. I joined the audition for cheerdancing, good thing it wasn'y Mr. deslate but he hired his little brother and his brother chose me fist to be the leader of all. hahaha 


Ive made a lot of disgusting things when I was  in high school some worst that I no longer want to remember. It will stay that way. A lifetime lessons learned.

As early as 16 years old, no one would be able to imagine I had experienced a lot of pain. Jelousy and pride kills. All the pain I experienced all cause by my jealous heart. 

Because of what I have done in highschool, I have to study to the University nearby  for I have to attend a monthly meeting with DSWD/Psychiatrist. I studied Computer Engineering at University of Southern Mindanao. I did'nt 

know why I took Engineering for teh first place. ahhaha I wanted to took Psychology but momma doesn't like the thought of me being a Psychologist..well she just do not understand it. All of them. 

I am not good with Mathematics I know that, I was doing well on my first year..actually so I thought it will be alright. I love mathematics but I am not good with it. I love debating and I joined SWORD (Supreme World of Objective 

Reasoning and Debating, I also joined the CENCOM guild (writers guild for feature) I wanted to be a writer. I also became a student leader. I love it! I have a bestfriend name Angel Vic Salvania, my only best friend who accepted me 

for who I am and what I am not. We shares almost everything and I love her. 

I love it that I am able to do what I like, debating, dancing and being active again, however my family disagreed with everything. I became stubborn and decided to drop all my subjects. I went to Manila to work at the age of 18.

It was Augost 8, 2008. I got my first job at Sitel Philippines located in One Julia Vargas Ave. 
***to be continue...

1 comment:


you have a very nice blog.. love those pictures... take care.. xoxo