Wednesday, August 22, 2012

After all these years...


We fall in love many times during the course of a lifetime, but  you know what the first rush of love always holds a special place in our hearts. That first ruch you felt when you were just fantasizing about love in novels and teleseryes. The novelty of the feeling, like the first drops of dew in the morning..like the first sunrise, makes it special and unforgettable.

My heart aches whenever I think about him, how I long and wish for time to go back, back when we were just little teens playing around, were the only thing in our minds were our crushes and assignments...
I can never forget the day I first met him, his smile, his black hair that fells across his forehead, his bewitching smile...his pale white teeth his hairy white arm. He loves to wear polos and big shoes back then, it's kinda funny though he is very small...

How fantastic was that feeling along time ago. The magic of my first love or is it just my ignorance. haha..
My friend once asked me, what if one day he'll show on your door steps and say "Jays I'm sorry for being late but I love you" what would you say?.. That question made me wonder..and I thought about that possibility but because what if... just what if...(I didnt even think about that anymore coz I know it will make my heart aches more :( ). I answered, maybe I'll smile and asked him fro some coffee inside, with a smile..

But I wonder why... I always end up cryin whenevr I remember him... as what one author says: Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.  (neil Gaiman).

But love for me thou it's horrible as it seems, I love the feeling of being hurt, love it in the sense of feeling love. After all these years...

2 comments:

  1. I exactly know how it feels too, your writing is beautiful! thanks for the comment and followed! xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. you are very much welcome darling.... and thank you for stopping by... :) xoxo spread love

    ReplyDelete

Hi!

you have a very nice blog.. love those pictures... take care.. xoxo

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